How to Rest When Your Brain Won’t Let You

If you’re anything like me, you know that feeling.

You’re tired, so tired your bones feel like they’re hollow, but your brain is still in full-on group chat mode. Looping, planning, regretting everything you’ve ever done. Thinking about things you said in 2013 to the kid who sat next to you in class. Replaying every weird interaction you had today. Wondering if raccoons ever get lonely. Imagining you hit MegaMillions and what dogs you’ll buy. Did I finish the laundry?

Welcome to being tired but wired. It sucks.

When you’re exhausted but can’t settle down, it’s like your body and your mind forgot they’re supposed to be on the same team. It’s frustrating, it’s lonely, and worse? It’s terrible for your brain long-term if it becomes a pattern.

So today, we’re slowing everything down. We’re getting back to basics, and we’re going to talk about why your brain fights rest, and how to help it gently find its way back to center.

(And I’ll share a few tools that genuinely make a difference, because “just meditate” is not helpful when you’re vibrating like a tuning fork.)

First: You’re Not Broken

The most important thing to remember? You’re not failing because you can’t fall asleep or switch off. Your brain is doing its job…it’s just stuck in the wrong gear.

When you’re stressed, your nervous system ramps up into sympathetic mode (aka fight or flight). It doesn’t just turn off because you’re lying in bed, it needs active signals that it’s safe to rest.

One small thing that helps? A weighted blanket…they’re basically permission slips for your nervous system to chill out.

What Happens to Your Brain When You Don’t Sleep

Missing even a few nights of good sleep messes with your brain hard, your amygdala (emotion center) gets more reactive, while your prefrontal cortex (logic and decision-making) slows down.

This can mean your memory consolidation gets sloppy, your mood regulation falls apart (yeah, no shit), and your brain’s "trash collection system" (the glymphatic system) doesn’t clean properly, meaning waste proteins build up in there.

Chronic sleep deprivation is linked to anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, weakened immune system functioning, and even an increased risk of Alzheimer’s.

No pressure, though.

If you’re curious how much sleep you’re actually getting, a simple sleep tracker ring can open your eyes (pun intended) in a gentle, non-shaming way.

Step One: Calm the Body First, Not the Mind

Here’s where most advice misses the mark: you can’t THINK your way into sleep.

You have to calm the body first, and eventually the brain will follow.

Ways to calm the body include snuggle into a weighted blanket, progressive muscle relaxation (tense and release each muscle group slowly and count down from ten each time), or very slow, deliberate breathing (inhale 4 counts, exhale 6 counts).

Some nights try to put your legs up the wall for 5 minutes (it can trigger the parasympathetic system), or take a warm shower or bath with some Epsom salts, then cozy up into soft pajamas.

Step Two: Give Your Brain a Job (a Gentle One)

Your brain doesn’t like feeling unemployed. If you just lie there thinking “OKAY, BRAIN, STOP,” it’ll panic harder.

Give it a soft, low-stakes job, like visualize a slow, peaceful scene (like painting a wall, leaf by leaf). You can try to repeat a simple, neutral mantra (“I am safe. I am safe.”), or even do gentle breath counting (inhale 1, exhale 2, inhale 3, etc.).

If you’re too wired for DIY visuals, a guided sleep meditation app with soothing body scans can work magic, no brain creativity required.

Create a “Landing Zone” for Sleep

You don’t land a plane by slamming it onto the runway at full speed, at least I really hope not to be on that plane if you do. Same with sleep basically, you need a gentle little descent.

Ideal nighttime landing zone means that screens are off 1 hour before bed. Dim the lights, blue light tricks your brain into thinking it’s daytime which is why I have a blue light screen protector on my phone and computer.

A mug of calming tea or a scoop of natural magnesium powder stirred into water (game-changer) can really help. I like chamomile with lavender bitters, lemon juice, and honey for myself and my husband.

Light stretching or some very gentle yoga might help as well, and for the love of god, no heavy conversations or doomscrolling after 9pm!

Small habits compound into safety signals, so basically repetition is your new best friend.

If You Wake Up at 3AM: Here’s What to Do

Waking up wired at 3AM? Classic cortisol spike. Your body’s stress hormones are surging when they’re supposed to be at their lowest.

Don’t grab your phone or start catastrophizing. Don’t even try to force yourself back to sleep immediately

Instead, stay horizontal if possible, do some slow breathing (inhale 4, exhale 8), and try to listen to a very boring audiobook or podcast (preferably something about moss or ancient pottery).

Some people find it helps to quietly journal random thoughts or gratitudes. A tiny gratitude journal by the bed makes it easy to brain-dump without waking yourself up more.

Bonus: If Nothing Works, Rest Anyway

Even if you don’t fall asleep, the rest itself is still valuable.

Lying still, breathing slowly, and letting your body unwind helps repair your nervous system. It’s not the same as deep sleep, but it moves you in the right direction.

Forgive the rough nights, measure progress in tiny wins, some rest is always better than no rest.

You’re Just Wired Weird Tonight

Some nights will be tough, some might surprise you. Some you’ll drift off mid-breath without even realizing it.

Be gentle, repetitive, and for the love of god, be patient with yourself.
Your brain is built to heal, and you’re just learning how to let it.

And if all else fails? There’s always tomorrow night.

You’re doing better than you think. I’m proud of you.