Why We Romanticize Burnout: The Toxic Myth of Glorious Exhaustion

May 17

There’s a specific kind of tired that settles into your bones like wet cement.
Not the kind that a nap will fix.
The kind that leaves your soul aching and your teeth clenched in the silence of your bedroom at night.
And yet…we wear it like a badge.
“I’ve just been so busy.”
“I haven’t had a day off in weeks.”
We say it with a mix of pride and apology.

Somewhere along the way, we stopped dreaming of slow mornings and started glorifying collapse.

The Birth of Burnout Bragging

Burnout used to be a red flag.
Now, it’s a résumé line.

We romanticize burnout because we've been taught that rest is laziness. That slowing down is falling behind.
The more frenzied we are, the more important we must be.

It started subtly. The #GirlBoss era. The hustle culture slogans. The “rise and grind” mugs handed out at startup conferences.
Before we knew it, exhaustion became aspirational.

And it's killing us.

Burnout Isn't Beautiful, But We've Made It Look That Way

We filter it, caption it, package it.
That blurry selfie with tired eyes and a laptop in bed? "Still grinding 😅"
The sleepless night before a deadline? “Fueled by coffee and ambition.”

We’re exhausted, but we’re also performing exhaustion.
Because being busy is the new status symbol.

Burnout isn’t glamorous.
It’s heart palpitations at 3am.
It’s forgetting why you walked into the room.
It’s crying in the shower and telling no one because “everyone’s tired.”

But if we’re all tired…why do we keep pretending it’s heroic?

The Psychology Behind the Burnout High

Burnout can actually create a dopamine loop.
You overwork → receive praise → feel valued → repeat.
It's the validation, not the work, that becomes addictive.

Some psychologists call it “trauma productivity.”
People who’ve experienced chaos or abandonment often find safety in being needed.
Burnout becomes a security blanket.

And for many women, especially, the message is clear:
Be selfless. Be available. Be exhausted. Be good.

Internalized Capitalism and Why You Can’t Sit Still

You’re lying on the couch.
You worked a double yesterday.
You’ve earned this moment.

And yet…your brain whispers: You should be doing more.

That’s internalized capitalism.
The belief that your worth is directly tied to your output.
It’s why hobbies become side hustles.
Why even rest must be productive. ("It’s self-care!")

In a system that measures success by sacrifice, burnout is the ultimate offering.

Burnout and the Love We Didn’t Get

Sometimes, burnout is how we try to earn the love we think we don’t deserve.
If I do enough, they’ll see me.
If I give enough, they’ll stay.

It’s a trauma pattern wrapped in an invoice.
We use burnout to make ourselves feel worthy…of attention, of praise, of simply existing.

And it’s reinforced by society.
You’re more admired if you’re exhausted and achieving…than if you’re rested and content.

The Healing Begins When You Stop Performing

What if we stopped glamorizing the collapse?

What if we honored the woman who left the dishes in the sink and went to bed?
What if we celebrated the man who said, “No, I’m taking the weekend off”?
What if we recognized that survival mode is not a lifestyle, it’s a warning?

Let’s replace:

“I’m so slammed right now”
with
“I’ve protected my peace this week.”

Let’s stop asking people what they do and start asking them how they feel.

So Why Do We Still Romanticize It?

Because burnout has become a story we tell to make our suffering feel purposeful.
Because society applauds sacrifice, not boundaries.
Because we’re afraid of what’s left when we stop producing.

But you are not a machine.
You are not a product line.
You are not behind.

You are a being.
One who deserves sleep. And softness.
And slow, quiet mornings with tea and no apologies.

What to Do Instead

Burnout won’t go away with a single vacation.
It requires unlearning and unhooking.

Here are some soul-level shifts to begin:

Define your own version of success.
Not the Instagram version. Yours.
Say no with no explanation.
“No” is a full sentence. So is “Not right now.”
Unfollow hustle content.
It’s not inspiration. It’s pressure in disguise.
Reclaim rest as rebellion.
Rest is productive. Rest is powerful.
Talk about it.
Share your feelings with others. Not your filtered wins. Your honest truths.

You Don’t Have to Earn Rest

Here’s your permission slip to stop.
To breathe.
To feel the sun on your face and not post about it.

You are allowed to be gentle with yourself.
To work less and matter more.
To leave the toxic myth of glorious exhaustion behind…and build a life that doesn’t need to be survived.

Michele Gargiulo http://michelegargiulo.com