The Brain Chemistry of Falling in Love with a Pet
There is a moment in all pet parents’ lives when you look at your pet and realize you’ve fallen in love. I know it well.
It’s not the fleeting kind of love or the wishy-washy love of youth, but the deep kind that makes you dread the day they leave you forever. It’s the kind of love that fills the spaces left behind by things you can’t explain, the hole filled before you even noticed the hole.
It happens on the couch, while walking through golden leaves in fall, in silence, in stillness, in soft morning light while they breathe curled up against your side. Riesling (my dog and cover model for my book) and I fell in love the moment I looked into her tiny little eyes. Her wagging tail as she peed all over the kitchen floor when I let her out of her cage for the first time was really all it took.
And it turns out…your brain knows exactly what it’s doing.
Falling in Love, Biologically
Science has shown that bonding with a pet lights up the same neurological pathways as falling in love with a human.
We’re talking about real, measurable chemical changes in the brain here, not just like the idea of being in love.
The star of the show based on any love is oxytocin…that so-called “love hormone.”
According to studies published in ScienceDirect and PMC, oxytocin levels spike in both humans and animals during positive interactions. Eye contact, petting, and even soft vocal tones can trigger its release. Praise and pets are the way to Riesling’s heart…and treats.
This hormone strengthens emotional memory, trust, and long-term bonding between the two of you.
It’s what makes your dog tilt their head when you cry or what makes your cat curl into your sadness like a little haughty friend, determined to brighten your day.
You’re not imagining it. This love is real…chemically, evolutionarily, and emotionally.
But oxytocin is only part of the picture. Mirror neurons are those beautiful little mimics inside your brain that respond when you see someone else experiencing something. These neurons help us to empathize with each other, and they don’t discriminate between species. They’re kind like that.
When your dog stretches and yawns, and you do the same, it’s not just because you want to join your dog in the tiredness, it’s a shared language of body language and longing for a nap.
When your rabbit’s breathing slows down as they nestle against you, your body often mirrors their rhythm. It’s regulation meets synchronization, a biological lullaby if you will.
This feedback loop creates some co-regulation, which is exactly what meditation has also been shown to improve. But with pets, you don’t have to close your eyes, you just have to be present and have a good time hanging out with them.
Attachment Theory
The American Psychiatric Association now acknowledges the therapeutic importance of pets in mental health, which is why more and more therapy animals have popped up in recent years. It’s not just a cute and furry trend, it’s actually neuroscience.
We form secure attachments with our pets, and for some people, it may be the first secure attachment they’ve ever experienced.
Animals don’t gaslight, they don’t judge, abandon, or lie, they don’t shame you for being sad or too tired or too much. They just…stay. They hang out with you when you’re feeling lonely and play with you when you’re feeling sad. They get you out of the house when you’re too depressed to get out of bed because they want to go for a walk with you.
In a world that feels like it’s always shifting and everyone else lives a more glamorous life than you do on Instagram, that kind of presence is really life-changing.
(Why Do We Crave Chaos? Sometimes our hearts seek destruction because love has felt unsafe. But for many, pets rewire that instinct, and show us what calm devotion really looks like.)
Oxytocin Is Mutual
Studies show that dogs also experience an increase in oxytocin when they look into our eyes, just like we do. Stockholm syndrome anyone?
Well, no matter the reason, that means your love doesn’t just live in a vacuum, it loops back around to you.
You look, they look back, and a bridge forms between the two of you.
Even your cat, who pretends not to care? They blink slowly, with purpose. In cat language, that’s affection, intimacy, and trust.
They’re saying, in their own little feline way: “I see you.”
And your brain responds with a quiet, powerful surge of emotion.
Our pets give our lives shape, by reminding us to eat, to walk, to breathe. In a 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers found that pet guardians exhibited higher emotional resilience and lower cortisol levels than non-pet owners, especially when their daily routines were shared with their animal companions.
It’s not just companionship, but neurostructural reinforcement. Say that ten times fast, I dare you.
Your brain is building highways of calm, of predictability, of love…anchored in your 6am leash clip or 9pm cuddle. Over time, those highways become home.
Whether you’re bonding over morning snuggles or evening walks, these Memory Foam Pet Beds from Furhaven are my favorite (well, Riesling’s favorite!). Soft, therapeutic, and built for long, luxurious naps, for them and for your peace of mind.
Grief of Losing a Pet
If you’ve ever lost a pet, you know the grief isn’t “less than.”
It’s absolutely, world-shatteringly devastating.
That’s because the bond we form is neurological, not just emotional.
The routines, the oxytocin loops, the sensory cues, all gone in the instant your fur baby closes their eyes for the last time.
It’s like ripping out a section of your identity immediately and then being expected to go about your life like nothing happened. And science agrees with me. PET scans show that grief over a pet activates the same brain regions as grief over a close human loss. There is no hierarchy in heartbreak.
Love is love, and the absence of that love echoes, deeply.
(Why Time Feels Faster As We Age. The moments we spend with our pets (quiet, repetitive, comforting) slow time down. That’s why they feel sacred. And why losing them collapses the clock.
How Pets Help Heal Trauma
Research from PMC and the American Psychiatric Association also supports the use of animal-assisted therapy in trauma recovery.
Petting a dog has been shown to decrease blood pressure, regulate heart rate, and reduce cortisol, but it also increases dopamine, the motivation chemical. After my trauma Riesling seemed to learn what I needed. Whenever I did virtual therapy she would come over and ask me to pick her up. She’d sit curled in my lap while I talked and try to lick my face whenever I cried. When I started having panic attacks or PTSD episodes she would come and sit on me until I calmed down. Having her near really helped in a way nothing else could.
In other words, pets help us want to keep going when we feel like giving up. They reawaken our curiosity, remind us of soft mornings, wagging tails, warm fur, and that someone in this world is happy just because we exist.
For trauma survivors like me, that’s a lifeline. And for many…it’s enough.
You don’t need to be fluent in neuroscience to understand what your heart already knows. Love doesn’t always need language, sometimes it’s just a paw on your knee, or a purr against your spine, even the quiet thump as they follow you room to room.
Sometimes, the most healing thing in the world is the soft, steady presence of a creature who sees you…entirely…and chooses to stay (like they even have a choice). That love changes the brain, but also changes the soul.
Other Reads You Might Enjoy:
The Dogs That Loved Us Back: How Evolution Is Rewriting the Canine Heart
The Healing Science of Hugging: Why Touch Might Be the Most Powerful Medicine of All
The Science of Awe: What Happens When Wonder Floods the Brain
The Healing Current: How Grounding Helps Calm Inflammation and Restore the Body
The Quiet Giants: Why Trees Are More Valuable Than Diamonds (and Always Have Been)
